Somewhere deep within the depths of a dungeon in Hyrule, an adventurer once came across a peculiar metal box with strange dials, buttons, and lights upon it. A narrow metal rod stuck out of the device, and the adventurer decided to grasp the end of it and pull, putting curiosity ahead of common sense. The adventurer leapt backwards in surprise as the device began to emit an awful unintelligible noise! But… through that static mess, the adventurer could hear… voices? Curiosity building up once again, the adventurer pulled the antenna all the way up, clearing away the static and giving clarity to the voices… The following is a true account of what that adventurer heard: — — — [Announcer:] Concluding October, 2017 and coming to you live from the Sacred Realm, it’s Goddess News Radio! [Din:] Welcome, welcome, welcome to the first ever broadcast of Goddess News Radio. I’m your host, and patron Goddess of Power, Din. Joined by my sisters and co-hosts, the lovely Nayru— [Nayru:] Hi! [Din:] —and the enigmatic Farore. [Farore:] Hello. [Din:] The three of us are all so excited to be here! We’ll be taking a look into the lives of various mortals in the Light World to see what they’re up to down there. Exciting, isn’t it? [Nayru:] Oh, I do hope our children are doing just fine. I love them to pieces, but mortals have a knack for getting themselves into all sorts of trouble, don’t they? [Din:] Well then, let’s give the Wheel of the Light World a spin, and see which mortal nation we’ll be giving the ol’ all-seeing eye from our very own Goddess of Secrets. What do you say, Farore? [Farore:] I foresee that the wheel will land on Hyrule. There’s no need to spin it. [Din:] Well that wouldn’t be any fun at all! Let’s give her a spin, shall we? [A rapid clicking sound is heard as the Wheel of the Light World spins. The clicking begins to slow in pace, Din making various ‘oooh’ and ‘aaah’ sounds in the interim.] [Din:] And it’s… Labryn—no, Hyrule! [Farore:] So I foresaw, and so it came to be. [Nayru:] Oh! Hyrule! I just love that country. The beautiful temples, the kind and generous people… [Din:] Actually, Hyrule was recently devastated by a great war— [Nayru:] Another war? Oh dear… [Din:] Mortals do seem to have a big one every century or so, don’t they? Can’t they just learn to relax for a millennia or two? [Nayru:] Is Hylia alright, at least? I thought she had an avatar down there… Farore? [Farore:] No comment. [Nayru:] Oh dear, oh dear… [Din:] Moving on, let’s take a closer look at what our adorable little mortals have been up to in Hyrule lately. Farore, do your thing. [Farore:] Hmm… well, it appears that Kasuto Village is approaching the end of its annual Hallow’s Eve festival. The festival has been boasting record attendance, even drawing in new people. In particular, a Stalfos by the name of Cyrui won the lottery. [Nayru:] Congratulations Cyrui! I’m so happy for you! [Farore:] The Fortune Teller seems to have been very popular with the festival-goers as well, deviating from past fortune tellers appearing in Hyrule by actually possessing the gift of sight. [Din:] Not unlike you then, Farore. Is she descended from the Oracle of Secrets, maybe? [Farore:] If she is, I’ll never tell. [Din:] Has anything else been going on at the festival? [Farore:] Well, it appears as if a young man named Diego nearly died from a pumpkin allergy. He appears to be in stable condition now, thanks to the efforts of the festival staff. [Nayru:] Oh dear! I’m happy to hear that he’s alright. [Din:] A pumpkin allergy though? You’d think a mortal with that condition would be more careful around Hallow’s Eve. [Farore:] Additionally, a Twili by the name of Daman Rask has been searching for allies to help him with a very interesting task. Anyone interested in joining should probably reach out. He’s currently spectating at the annual summoning event where four brave combatants are engaged in battle with a demonic version of Tingle: Cyrui the Stalfos, Ruzgar the Goron, Tane the Hylian, and Zen the Sheikah. The fight is ongoing as we air. [Din:] So, what’s the story behind this evil Tingle? [Nayru:] Oh, poor Tingle. It’s very sad, really. He’s lost his precious watch, a dear heirloom from his sweet grandmother. I hope he finds it soon. [Din:] Best wishes to the combatants, in any case. Good luck with not dying! [Nayru:] Oh yes, please be safe, noble fighters! And don’t be too hard on Tingle either. He’s really a sweetheart, deep down. [Farore:] As an interesting side note, both fighters Tane and Zen are wearing masks. For those of you not in the know, Zen recently caused a scene in a Kasuto tavern, threatening both Detective Tane and his kind-of sort-of girlfriend Rachel. He was arrested by local law enforcement, but recently escaped during a prisoner transfer to Rauru Village. [Din:] Drama alert! Wouldn’t it be exciting if those masks came off? Just a little divine intervention and— [Nayru:] Din, no! We’re not interfering in mortal affairs. Put that meteor away this instant. [Din:] What this thing? It’ll shrink down to a pebble by the time it reaches them, just big enough to knock Zen’s mask off. It’ll be just an itty bitty divine intervention… no? Fine. [Nayru:] Good. [Farore:] It is also worth mentioning that Tane has recently been contracted by a Sheikah Wizzrobe by the name of Dante Stormward to track down… Hylia’s avatar, the Princess Zelda! Or is it Queen Zelda now? How very curious, but it seems her heir came to Dante for help. I sense big changes in the works down in Hyrule… Perhaps more brave heroes will seek to get involved. Or perhaps not, we will see. [Nayru:] I wish them and any future allies they gather the best of luck on their quest! [Din:] Wow, so there’s been plenty going on at the Hallow’s Eve festival! But I think that about covers the goings on there. Farore, what about the rest of Hyrule. Anything else exciting that we ought to cover before signing off? [Farore:] There are several new faces making the rounds in Hyrule, in fact. A practitioner of the dark arts named Acacia Antioch, and a stalfos by the name of Durheim Gortante have found each other within the ruins of a pre-war library somewhere in West Hyrule Field. Now that they have found each other, I wonder what it is that they will do. [Nayru:] It’s always so wonderful for new faces to come into the fold. I do hope they stick around and make a name for themselves amongst the Hyrulean heroes. [Farore:] Speaking of new heroes, a Hylian named Leif Aldwin and Goron named Gordah have also encountered each other on the road to Kasuto. It appears that Gordah was ambushed by bandits, and the two have joined forces to retrieve what was stolen from him. [Nayru:] Bandits, really! Have mortals no shame? They should learn how to love one another and share instead of steal… Such a pity. [Din:] I look forward to seeing what these and the other new faces get up to, thanks Farore. But what about the more experienced heroes who have been around a bit longer. Anything up on that front? [Farore:] Four brave adventurers: Ishii the ex-gladiator Goron, Blade the Hylian, Conway the Sheikah, and Nemorac the Hylian mage have decided to brave the ruins of old Castle City in a search for a fallen star. [Din:] Did you say fallen star? Oops… I may have dropped one. My bad! [Nayru:] Oh Din, you really need to take better care of your celestial bodies. [Farore:] It seems that they intend to navigate the ruins by using the old sewer tunnels, but were happened upon by a pack of Wolfos. How this adventure will turn out, only time will tell. [Nayru:] They should keep an eye out for sewer Lizalfos while they’re down there. Sometimes, baby Lizalfos are flushed down the toilet and end up down there. It’s quite sad. [Farore:] Lastly, though certainly not least, the Hylian called Benjamin Tiketh has returned from his family’s old manor, along with his allies, a Zora inquisitor and Gerudo entertainer named Zimo and Nasira. They were attempting to banish an evil spirit from the manor, which resulted in Zimo going overboard and burning the house to the ground. [Nayru:] Oh my! I hope it worked, at least. [Farore:] Unfortunately not. When they returned to Rauru Village, the spirit took control of Tiketh’s body and seems to have returned with a vengeance! He is currently being chased through the Village of Rauru by the inquisitor Zimo as he attempts to escape being taken into custody for a much-needed exorcism. [Din:] So you’re saying a great evil has been unleashed upon Hyrule? [Farore:] It would certainly appear so, if Tiketh cannot be stopped from escaping. And I do not believe he will be stopped. In fact, I suspect he will soon be in need of allies and minions both, if any villains-in-training are looking for work. [Nayru:] Farore! You really shouldn’t advertise villainous plots! [Din:] Now now, Nayru. We’re an unbiased news source, after all. The public needs to know about everything going on, so they can make informed decisions! [Nayru:] I suppose you’re right… I just hate it when friends fight! Poor Tiketh… [Din:] Well, that about brings this month’s show to a close! Listeners, if you have any important news stories you feel were missed and would like to have featured on Goddess News Radio, please send us a private message with your request! Farore may be Goddess of Secrets, but even she can’t see everything! Also, please send us any feedback about the format of our show, and whether you’d like to see anything done differently! [Farore:] I can certainly try, but please do send in any requests if you would like any particular stories featured on the next broadcast of Goddess News Radio. Whether you know of a hero or villain looking for allies, know of a large-scale plot, or even a smaller adventure, you can always reach us through private message! [Din:] And that’s all folks! See you next month as we cover the events of November on Goddess News Radio!